A Tour Through My Wrestling Brain

I think it’s pretty clear that I spend a good deal of time thinking about wrestling. It’s quite the major part of my life and I’d think it’s pretty clear that I have some kind of issue that keeps me so obsessed with it, or at least I’d hope so. There are a good deal of ideas that I manage to get out of my head and onto paper or screen in some ways, but there are a few others that don’t have quite the... we’ll go with luck. Today we’ll be giving some of those ideas a bit of a look, albeit with some different twist.

This time, I’ll be starting with a random wrestler and going on a stream of consciousness until I either run out of things to talk about or until I feel like talking about something else. I’m not planning this out and it doesn’t have an overall theme. This is just me talking about whatever wrestling thoughts come to my head. This could go in a few different ways or it might be one idea that I stay with for a bit. Let’s get to it.

So we’ll start with…. let’s go with the Z-Man. I don’t feel like talking about him though so we’ll move on.

The Random Stuff I Miss About Wrestling

You know what I miss in wrestling? Weird merchandise items. Yeah WWE will sell you every possible t-shirt and hat or whatever, but what about some random stuff? WCW had a line of bowling balls. There was a Hulk Hogan workout set. Both companies had their own cologne. You could buy wrestling candy or the sweating WWF action figures. Now you have stuff like the WWE Title slow cooker and waffle maker (yes I bought them both and this should not surprise you) and they just don’t quite live up to the past.

Something else that doesn’t live up to the past? Hammerlocks. You don’t really see enough of them these days as it’s more about trading right hands (or forearms in AEW because that’s what they do in Japan and apparently we’ve moved to Japan). I know there’s something missing from the idea of having general wrestling because it’s not as exciting as everyone flying all over the place, but I could go for some more basic, low speed wrestling on occasion. It’s kind of the point of the whole thing no?

Another concept that needs to go far away for a long time is the “heel starts a tag match, sees their rival waiting on them and immediately tags out” spot. Sweet goodness this has turned into the most overused idea in wrestling and I do not need to see it again for a long time. Yeah we get it. You’re scared of the other star and you’re going to get out rather than doing anything about it. Just have the second star start for a change with the coward staying on the apron. That’s really not too hard of a concept and it might actually be fresh for a change.

Why did we never get a SummerSlam video game? There’s been WrestleMania, the Royal Rumble, Survivor Series, In Your House, Raw, SmackDown and even No Mercy, but never a SummerSlam game. Why not?

Wrestling Characters, Gimmicks & Strange Decisions

Eddie Guerrero and Chyna were fun together. Having a lead pipe in the bouquet of roses was a good choice for a weapon, even if it never looked all that cool when you found it in the crowd on No Mercy. Which is still not SummerSlam because whatever reason.

With all of the women in WWE posing in Playboy, how did none of them ever do a special right hand called the rabbit punch?

What was the appeal of Justin Credible in ECW? He was around for the better part of ever, never really got much better in the ring, and was mainly there because he could do a pose. That’s Incredible was a cool name for a finisher (though not as good as Harley Cameron’s That’s Her Finisher) but was it good enough to carry him to the World Title? I get that ECW didn’t have many options for the main event scene in Credible’s day, but he’s really the best choice they had available? For some reason Paul Heyman saw a lot in him and to this day I still don’t get him.

Wrestlers Who Knew Exactly What They Were

Wrestlers like Tajiri and Rhino don’t get enough credit. They might not have been great (though they did come close at times) but they were great examples of “what you see is what you get”. Tajiri was there to kick your head off and do his handspring elbow. Rhino was there to hit you hard and do the Gore. They both worked well at what they did and were rarely near the main event scene (though Rhino did get there on a few occasions) but both had some very long and successful careers. That’s not bad and it’s something a lot of wrestlers could aspire to be instead of whatever they become.

If Hillbilly Jim had come back around 2002 for a one off appearance, the roof would have... well probably not come off but the fans would have liked it. He was such a goofy star and while I wouldn’t want to see him do anything serious, he could have been a nice random cameo for someone like Randy Orton in the Legend Killer phase.

You know who was barely around for a year and yet is still remembered almost forty years later? Sweet Sapphire. She started showing up around Survivor Series 1989 and was gone shortly after SummerSlam 1990. That’s quite the impressive feat for someone who was barely there and was remembered fondly enough for a good while after her time in the company was over.

Random trivia: The Undertaker’s Streak started on his birthday and there has never been a WWE Champion born in either the month of September or the entire decade of the 1990s.

Wrestling Ideas That Should've Happened

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6BC2wxBeG4

Back in the days of the 24/7 Hardcore Title, I thought it would be fun to have a title match in a school. You have chairs, books, all kinds of places to hide, and there would have to be something that could be done with the cafeteria. Crash Holly could have sold the heck out of something like that. There would be stairs to run down, lockers to hide inside of and all kinds of water fountain hijinks. Or we could just do the same “I hit you with a chair, then I get rolled up and then the new champion gets pinned by the original champion and we do the same thing for years on end”.

One Last Trip Down Memory Lane

The Nasty Boys could have been a bigger deal. No, they weren’t going to be an all time great in-ring team but they were good at brawling. How did they never get into ECW? Let them do their brawling around the ring and have their awesome shirts with Brian Knobbs and his My Sharona knockoff music and... ok maybe not the music as that’s still an all time “why is this a thing” thing.

Finally (ok probably not), I remember having my Brutus Beefcake jigsaw puzzle as a kid. How impressive is it that Beefcake got “he’s a BARBER” over into being big enough to have that kind of merchandise? I know he got a lot out of mileage out of being Hulk Hogan’s buddy, but dang he was over until his accident.

And I still don’t feel like talking about Z-Man. I’m not sure why, but what is there to say about him?